Whenever I start thinking about the past and what happened between us, I can’t help it but feel so helpless. As much as I want to settle the score and get over with it, I can’t. There’s a huge whole within my soul and that big part of me is her.

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me, but just like Father Briones said. “We can’t move on and be the best we could if there’s something important left undone.” I really believe that. I fell; I die and burned myself into the void of perpetual anguish, anger and darkness. That was I. The shadow of my own self overcame me and transformed me into someone that I don’t wanna be—the monster that loathed everything beautiful.

Thank God, as soon as I stepped up in front of these young people and started teaching them, the darkness within me faded—waned and eventually vanished. Their enthusiasm to the things I’m teaching them, their faith and their love for me somehow melted the ice. The cold and sardonic Roland transformed into someone who is warm, inspiring and open minded person that gives light—(for some people that believes in me)

These past two years of my life is very productive. I transformed people and brought out the best in them, then I asked myself, was it really because of my students? My clients? My friends? The people that believes in me?

I realized, God is with me all this time. From the very moment that I cast the light off my life, He was there all along. Believing in me, trusting that soon, I’ll find Him in the void of darkness and negativity. And I did. I found Him and He gave me the wisdom that I needed all this time.

I don’t really needed the light, someone already gave me that—and that person was the very first girl that I’ve kissed, the very first girl that I gave my whole heart to and the very first person to wrecked my heart and shattered it into pieces. Though it was short-lived, in spite of what happened, I will always cherish everything about what we had and us. Even if I was warned that those will happen, I’d still choose to get hurt just to be with her. Just this once. Just once. That’s already enough for me.

Though I’m a bit sad for what happened, I can’t deny that I can’t thank her enough for giving me the light and of course, God—who gave me this new life. I was reborn. In His glory, in His divine blessing and in His unfaltering love, a new and improve Roland was born. Like a phoenix, rising from its very ashes, I did the same.

I may not be complete, but God is always here to complete us. Don’t be so stupid to believe in Tom Cruise’s “You complete me.” Only God can complete you.

I’m on my way to that said completion. I’m contented and happy. I got April, I got my family and friends and the things that I’ve never asked for yet I received, what else could I ask for?

I know its just a random ramble from someone so stupid like me but please, just give me this opportunity to thank those people that believes in me, those people that stood by me, those people that loves me, those people around me, thank you.

And of course, April, I couldn’t last long without you. I love you. Thank God I found you. And God, I know we have constant communication through prayers, but thank You.

I’m the Suncrown Phoenix, dare to take me down?

Coversations with Kevin Palomino

At UP Diliman, behind Quezon Hall…

Kailan mo ba matututunan

Kailan mo ba pagsisigawan

Di mo na pagkakailang tayo

Kay rami nang pinagdaanan

Ano pa ba ang ‘yong kailangan

Nagsusumamo na sabihin mo…

Kevin P (KP): You really like that song huh?

Me: Of course.

KP: Nakakarelate

Me: Amen.

KP: *laughs* Dumbass.  I thought you’re–

Me: I’m ok, dude. Got a new girl. Problem is-*nods at the MP3 showing Pasubali*

KP: I get it! Iligal kayo! Isa kayong ismagler! Kriminal!

Me: Lower you voice, idiot!

KP: Mga isko at iska! This perv is a major ille-

Me: Its Janelle!

KP: *stopped and turned left to right* WHERE!?

Me: Idiot.

KP: Stop playing, aight! *still looking for Janelle*

Me: Stop it already, its a joke. Where’s that girl of yours by the way?

KP: I don’t know. She said she’s taking some exams today. Oh yeah! Have you seen the new Tekken?

Me: *slaps forehead* Here we go again, yep.

KP: Cool right! ITS VERY UBER COOL! JUGGLES ARE MUCH LONGER!!

Me: That’s because of the longer life bar and rage system.

KP: THAT IMPROVEMENT MADE THE GAME COOLER THAN I’VE EXPECTED!

Me: Oh, I thought you’re only interested in that game coz I told you about the jiggling breast namco has incorporated in that game.

KP: That’s the 2nd reason! *stood up and points to the sky* and those japanese pervs really know how to make my bin bing hard!

Me: *snorts* Can you help me?

KP: Learn tekken? Sure sure!

Me: Dang, I know how to play Tekken Aight?

KP: About what? C’mon, if that’s tekken don’t be ashamed to ask the mastah!

Me: *snorts again* great just great. Hey!

KP: What?

Me: Help me.

KP: About what nga?

Me: Janelle

KP: Oh sure! You like her too huh…*pause for a moment* Hey wait! She’s mine!

Lemesee

Me: Tekken.

KP: Oh! Cool kicks courtesy of Jin…. *keeps talking but my mind wandered off*

KP: Hey! I know! May bago kang fave band!

Me: Ano?

KP: Moonstar 88!

Me: Sucker! How come? Azel is not their vocalist anymore!

KP: You’ll love the new vocalist… *grinned*

Me: Yeah? Beautiful?

KP: Yeah. Hell Yeah!

Me: *interested* What’s her name!?

KP: MAYCHELLE~!

Me: Urk~ *faints*

Warning: Pasintabi po sa mga taong nagmamahal sa akin ngayon, sa mga taong pinagnanasaan pa rin ako, sa mga taong nagpapantasya tungkol sa akin at lalong lalo na sa taong matindi kung magselos. Ang materyales na ito ay inilathalat sa pamamagitan ng world wide web sa tulong ng friendster blogs para sa ikaliligaya at ikakapagdadag-kaalaman ng mga nakakabatang tao, mga taong clueless pa rin at ang mga taong nakakamiss sa tunay na mundo. Alinsunod na rin sa Bill of Rights ng ating Constition na nakalimutan ko kung anong section ang Freedom of expression e bahala na kayo. Magabasa kayo kung trip niyo. Hindi ako nagkulang sa paalala. 

MAKE ME CRY

Hanggang sa sandalng ito ay nasasaktan pa rin ako. Oo, masakit. Pakiramdam ko napaglaruan lang ako, ginawang pampalipas oras, then bandang huli ako pa rin ang nasise. Sinisise sa mga maling bagay na hindi naman dapat pagmulan ng paninisi o pagsisise.

Ako ang biktima, ako ang kawawa, ako ang napaglaruan. Sa bawat oras na lumipas, naiisip ko kung ano ‘yong nararamdaman ko sa bawat oras, minuto, segundong magkasama kami; masaya. Isang linggo lang nga yon kung tutuusin pero kahit anong gawin ko, hindi ko makalimutan.  Napakasakit.

Masarap magmahal para sa akin, pero ang pagtitiwala para sa akin, mahirap, kasing hirap kung paano ka lilipad gamit ang mga bali mong pakpak.  Tinatago ko ang tiwala ko sa likod ng walang hanggang kalokohan at kapilyuhan. Hanggang isang araw ay naramdaman ko na lang na mahal niya talaga ako. Masaya, pero nangibabaw pa rin ang takot at kaba pati na rin ang pagdudud. Umiikot-ikot pa rin sa akin ang katanungang:

“Mahal mo ba talaga ako o gagamitin mo lang ako? “ Kasunod ng isa pang tanong na kayang basagin ang pagkatao mo.  “paano ‘yong nararamdaman mo sa lalakeng gusto mo?  Hindi kaya gagamitin mo lang akong rebound? Panakip butas? Mahal mo ba talaga ako mh buong puso at kaluluwa?”

Naroon ang takot at kaba, pagdududa lalo na. Pero mas pinili kong magtiwala, ibinigay ko ang buong tiwala ko para lang sa pag-ibig na natagpuan namin. Para lang sa pag-ibig na inilaan ng Diyos para sa amin, isang pag-ibig na pareho naming inasam at ibinigay sa amin, para ingatan at hindi pabayaan.

Hindi ko na pwedeng sabihin ngayon ang madalas kong marinig na “kung kayo, kayo talaga!” Minsan naisip niyo na ba na may mga bagay tayong dapat ingatan ng mga sarili nating kakayahan? May mga bagay na ibinibigay na sa’yo na dapat ingatan dahil regalo o blessing sa’yo ‘yon.

Mahiwaga at walang imposible sa kamay ng Diyos, pero hindi natin kailangang iasa sa Kaniya ang lahat kung kaya naman natin ang mga bagay. Hindi lang basta puro dasal ang kailangan, kailangan din nating gumalaw. Kung isinusulat ng Diyos ang love story ng bawat isa sa atin, marahil napaka-busy na Niya ngayon. Lalo na at marami pa siyang ginagawang mga bagay na makakabuti sa atin.

Kaya dumarating ang mga problema sa isang love story ay para tayo na mismo ang sumulat at gumawa ng parte kung saan kailangan ang partesipasyon natin. Kung magpapatuloy magpapatuloy ba o hindi na. Ano man ang piliin mo do’n, ano man ang kahinatnan, ikaw ang dahilan. Ibinigay Niya sa’yo ang pagkakataon para ibigay ang parte mo sa storya ng pag-ibig mo. MO. PAG-IBIG MO. LOVE STORY MO.

Hindi kayang baguhin ng Diyos  ang free will natin. Bakit? ‘Yan ang kagandahan no’n, pwede kang magtanong kung bakit? Kung bumitaw ka man, sa huli pagsisise lang at  kalungkutan ang kaibigan mo. Tatanda kang nagsasabi ng kung at sana at tatanda kang may pinagsisisihan, habang buhay kang nakalingon sa nakaraan, habang pinipilit mong panindigan ang lahat. ‘Yong ang mali. Nasa huli ang pagsisise. Pero kung pinili mong magpatuloy sa kabila ng lahat ng nakikita mong mali, sa kabila ng sakit, sa kabila ng kalungkutan, sa kabila ng imperfections ng relationship mo, sa kabila ng lahat ng pagsubok at sa kabila ng “twists”, “issues” at “problem” ng love story mo. MO. Na ibinigay sa’yo ng Diyos na isinulat Niya, na ngayon ay ibinibigay Niya sa’yo ang pluma para isulat ang susunod na kabanata ng pag-ibig na kaniyang ginawa, ibinigay sa’yo at para i-share sataong ibinigay Niya ngayon sa’yo. Nasa sa’yo na kung tutuldukan mo na ang lahat o magpapatuloy ka pa. Hindi nga kailangang magmadali pero heto na, ibinigay na sa’yo, pakakawalan mo pa ba? Tama ang oras niya, sakto palagi. Ang kailangan mo lang gawin ay sagutin ang katanungan.

Handa mo bang ipagpatuloy ang love story mo?

Oo o Hindi. Simple lang. Once in a lifetime chance. Hindi na mauulit. Wag mong sabihin na may darating pang higit. Kung nagsara ng pintuan may bumubukas na bintana. Pinto ang nagsara na, bintana ang bumukas. Saan mas madali? Sa pinto o sa bintana? Kung sisislip ka lang, sa bintana ka na. Pero kung papasok ka, sa pinto na. Simple lang. Kung oo ang sagot mo sa katanungan, magaling.

Ibinigay na sa’yo talaga, hintayin mo na lang kung kailang uli gagalaw ang pluma sa papel ng Diyos para gawin ang sususnod na kabanata ng love story mo. Pero isa lang ang bawal. Bawal ang malaki ang ulo, mataas ang ego at mahangin. Proud ka nga dapat kasi may nagmamahal sa’yo at hindi bumitaw sa kabila ng mga imperfections m, pero hindi hindi mo dapat paglaruan ang damdamin ng taong ‘yon. Kadalasan nagpapahabol ‘yong iba kasi alam nilang nariyan lang. Ego tripping lang.

Sa oras na gawin mo ‘yon, TAPOS ang love story mo. Second chace? Meron. Ibibigay ng Diyos sa’yo pero doon sa taong nagmamahal sa’yo na sinaktan mo lang, ewan ko? Baka may tuldok na ang storya  mo, niyo sa kaniya.

God can help you but He can’t interfere with free will. The next time that God would give you another story, it is not the same as your previous. Though He blesses you in spite of your previous actions, consider the consequences. Maaring lesson na lang  ‘yan at hindi na love story, after that, you’re on your own. Help yourself and God will help you. Either win back the person that God gave you from your past love story or to continue, go on with your life.

God would probably give you the consolation, pero sa’yo lang talaga ang parte ng storya kung tuloy ba o tigil na. No matter what, no matter when, God wont give someone if it is not the right time. If the person is for you, he or she would stay for as long as he or she can. Don’t waste time, life is too short to waste.

Kailangan lang nating marealize na may mga bagay tayong hinihingi sa kaniya na kayang kaya naman nating gawin.  Kung kailangan mong gawin sa sarili mo, gawin mo. Humingi ka lang ng guidance sa Diyos. Kung tulong ang hihingin mo, ibibigay niya sa’yo, kung hindi mo talaga kaya, pero kung kaya mo nang gawin, go ahead. But pray first, thank God for that and ask Him if He could guide you to do your thing.

-Roland Julius A. Japone

September 27 2006

Here its is folks. Those people who missed me during these past weeks and never had a chance to read my Ancient Notebook, here’s your chance to indulge yourselves to some fool ramblings. And uh, I posted this because of those people who appreciated this piece and learned something, those people who shared my pain…(through this note) and those people who cried just because of the strings of their emotions were struck by my writing.  Sa lahat, salamat. I’m dedicating this one to Angie, Ate Jean, Abie, Dianne, Joanne, Mela and Sherlyn. ^__^

P.S.

And to that girl from the past that caused me so much pain just to come up with something that’ll pull the strings of other people’s emotions. Thanks. I mean it.

P.P.S.

RESPECT. Paki-iwan na lang po mga comments niyo.

I really wanted to scream. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me but this ancient frustration, pain and anger resurfaced.  I don’t know if its just the heat of the day or was it the songs I’ve been listening to this past nights that have been the most sleepless nights since..you know. I don’t want to elucidate on that part because someone might be reading this and might got pissed of what the hell I wrote here.

Anyway, I’ll continue. Summer na naman. I’m happy. What the hell but I’m very happy. I want to go somewhere far far away to escape these pain and frustration that had resurfaced.

Ok, I’m going to be very honest. What I really wanted to do this summer is to kill. Kill this freaking stressor and get the fuck over with this resurfaced anger….hate and pain.

Fuck UP Diliman. Fuck Riverbanks mall and fuck those people that have been backstabbing me. I don’t want to feel this pain. This anger. This hatred. This fear. This…love. I don’t want it and I don’t need it. I already have something. Something just to make my life go on like the way it was before that freakazoid came.

I’m still hurt. I don’t know why but it is very disturbing for me to know that I love someone but I’m still hurt with the past that has always been a part of my worst nightmare and my best fairytale dream.

I love her. Love her with all my heart. And then, she threw it all away. What happened to me? Well, I ended up heartless. Then came someone. Someone that proved me that you don’t need the old way to love a person, you just have to make it grow. Grow in love not fall in love.

Anyway, fuck those things that made me feel so down again. Save for these songs:

Director's Cut by Kamikazee

Pagmulat ng mata
Agad kong naalala
Kagabi sinabi mong ayaw mo na
May mali ka bang nakita?
May mali bang nagawa?
Bigla na lang naisip mong ayaw mo na...

Lahat ng gusto mo
Tamang sunod ako
Nagtataka bakit biglang ayaw mo na
Nabigla ko ng lubusan
Nang ako iyong aking iwanan
Isang iglap naisip mong ayaw mo na...

Lumingon sandali lang
Bago mo tuluyang iwan
Nais kong

Sumigaw, palabas
At sasabihin sayo ang lahat
Tumakbo, palayo
At iiwanan na ang alaala mo

Nanginginig, nalulungkot, nahihibang, at tulala
Pagod na yata ang ngiti
Nauubos din ang tuwa
Nag-iisa, umiiyak, nahihirapang huminga
Pagod na yata ang ngiti
Nauubos din ang tuwa
Nanginginig nalulungkot

Lumingon sandali lang
Bago mo tuluyang iwan
Nais kong

Sumigaw, palabas
At sasabihin sayo ang lahat
Tumakbo, palayo
At iiwanan na ang alaala mo

At kung hindi na babalik
Sana sa pag-gising ay wala na ang nadaramang sakit
At kung hindi na babalik
Pilit sasabihin na hindi ako nagkamali

Sumigaw, palabas
At sasabihin sayo ang lahat
Tumakbo, palayo
At iiwanan na ang alaala mo

Sumigaw, palabas
At iiwanan na ang alaala mo
Tumakbo, palayo
At iiwanan na ang alaala mo

Owning!!

Rebound By Silent Sanctuary

O kay bilis naman
Magsawa ng puso mo
Ganyan ka ba talaga
Bigla nalang naglalaho

Para bang walang nangyari
Di mo man lang sinabi

Sana'y hindi nalang pinilit pa
Wala ring patutungahan
Kahit sabihin ko pang
Mahal kita

Nalulungkot, nayayamot, nagmumukmok
Hindi ko pa yata kaya pang
Labanan ang damdamin ko

Nakakainis talaga
Nagmukha tuloy akong tanga
Pinaasa mo kasi
Puso ko ngayon tuloy lumuluha

Dahil iniwan mo kong mag-isa
Limang araw lang ay babay na
Owning!! 
Sana'y hindi nalang pinilit pa
Wala ring patutungahan
Kahit sabihin ko pang
Mahal kita

Nalulungkot, nayayamot, nagmumukmok
Hindi ko pa yata kaya pang
Labanan ang damdamin ko

Rebound mo lang pala ako

Holy Shit! Owning!!

The moon was full and lulling sound of the early evening was embracing the sleepless city. As I stood up above one of the tallest building in the city, eyes focused on the bustling street beneath me.

"I can’t find peace here," I mumbled under my breath.

"If not here," a voice came from behind. "Where?"

"Somewhere," I replied, looking behind my shoulders to see a young man in white nurse uniform.

"You can’t be like this forever." He sat down near me. "I should-"

"I must go." It was my last word before I leaped from the edge of the building. I fell, barelling fast down against the wind as the edge of my clothe wafted about the breeze.

Then huge black wings sprouted behind me and lifted me back to the air. Towards the full moon now sinking behind thin screen of clouds.

Not Too Late for a Dream

I’ve always wanted to become someone important. I wanted to become someone who is being looked up to by everyone, someone who is rich and famous, someone who can lead and someone who can touch lives and change it for the better. I’m just a normal kid who dreams a lot and strives to reach it someday but when the idea came to me, I paused for a moment. I was a senior student in an elite school of law in the country when I realized something about my dream. And that is; how can I be that “special person” by being a lawyer?

The question fluttered inside my head for the longest time until I graduated and became a lawyer. I was doing well at my job, and the pay is good and my family is enjoying a wealthy life. Everything I could wish for is in my hands, I’m being looked up to by my co-leagues, I’m rich and famous, I can lead and owns a stable law firm but there is something missing. I haven’t become that special person who can touch the lives of many and change it forever.

I have never felt so empty before until now. I have lived my entire life doing this craft believing that this might take me closer to my dream only to find a dead end. There’s a huge hole in my heart that I want to fill in, but every time I tried to, I question myself how? I’ve lived my entire life without regret until now, its not that I failed to achieve my goal or something. It’s just that I realized that my dream need not to be this complicated to reach it. I don’t need to become rich and famous to touch lives of others and improve it. I don’t need to become the CEO of the most powerful and successful company and I don’t really need much of what I’ve attained to fulfill my dream.

I know it’s not too late for me to make it happen. I just have to become a teacher. Yes, a teacher. At 36 I dropped the whole masterpiece of law in my life and started making another work of art in me.  Now, I am happy, 34 years had passed and still, I continued to fulfill my dream. That is to touch lives and change it for the better and only a teacher could do that.

-Professor Dylan Jazalie

—

Napagtripang ilagay sa blog ko.

Nasa

School

paper naming to kaya naman ipapa-alam ko lang sa buong GoGuoryu na nagsusulat ako haha!

I sat there alone, in that concrete bench where we talked
for the very last time that we were “we,” my rueful brown eyes on the sky,
heaving another jaded sigh for the hundredth times.

“What the hell I’m doing here?” I said to myself as memories
of the past flickered briefly inside my head.

I let a deep sigh once more, bending my head and focusing my
sad gaze against the ground. In my left hand rest a fresh white rose, in my
right dangles a silver necklace and in my heart, I keep our memories together.
My memories, our memories and the
most valuable treasure I must protect from
the watching world, our love, my love.

Then came footsteps, looming, silently and gently making its
way towards me. I closed my eyes as a single tear fell from it and the silent
sound of my tear landing against the docile floor echoed through my soul.

A smile traced my lips the moment a moving body registered
to my keen senses.

“Alexander,” I said and the moment my stealthy visitor heard
my voice, he immediately emerge from behind the walls.

“You’re here to say goodbye?” he said, leaning against the
wall.

I shrugged.

“I came here for forgiveness,” I said, voice filled with
remorse.

“Yes,” I continued, lifting my gaze back to the sky. “I want to
be forgiven.”

“I’m the one to blame, I’m not worthy,” I finished, focusing
my rueful brown orbs against his peaceful coal black eyes.

“Why don’t you drop it?” he asked, folding his arms across
his chest.

“I can’t,” said I, shaking my head gently.

“I promised her that I’ll always be there for her and
because I made a promise, no matter what happens, I must keep my words.” I
said, searing with memories of the night I promised her that no matter what
happens, I’ll always be by her side.

“I must keep my words,” said I once more, eyes burning with
intensity.

He chuckled, irritating me a bit.

“Ya know what?” he asked, still chuckling.

I stared at him with inquisitive eyes, slightly raising an
eyebrow.

“Chris said that you’re such a knight,” he shot back,
smiling at me with satisfaction.

“We all know that I’m not a knight,” I rejoined, standing up
and dusting my pants.

“And I must agree,” he said, stepping forward near me. “That
you’re more a knight than any man I knew,” he finished, tapping my shoulder as
he walks past me.

“Besides,” he said, turning back to me. “What the hell is
that white rose doing in your hand, huh?” he fired, chuckling in between his
words.

Few moments later, I was all alone once again.

A curt smile traced my lips as I gaze upon the white rose in
my hand.

“When will I see you again?” I mumbled, laying down the rose
on top of the bench.

“I’m sorry,” I finished, walking away peacefully from the UP
Film Institute, leaving the rose where I used to wait for her…

"I’m sorry, I was wrong."

ic0nsider mu ung friendshp nyong 2. revealing ur feelings 4
her means that ur ready 2 take d risk. it’s either mappromote ang relasy0n nyo or u wud l0se ur frndshp. One thngs
f0r sure, ud never b d same again.

Sumakit ang tiyan ko nang mabasa ko ang message na ‘yan sa
kung saan. Grabe, ang lakas, solid, pinagulong ako katatawa. Payo ko lang sa
inyong lahat diyan, lalo na ‘yong mga saksakan ng torpe, kapag sinabihan na
kayo ng ganiyan ng isang babae, kagatin niyo na agad. Kita niyo ‘yong isang
taong kilala ko, NAGSISISI NA NGAYON. (palagi naman e, kailan ba hindi?)

Totoo nga naman, kahit na pinagulong ako sa katatawa niyang
message na ‘yan, may matutunan talaga ako at napa-isip rin ako. Bakit nga ba
ganoon? Kapag sinabi mo na mawawala na ‘yong friendship niyo? Para sa akin,
‘yong mga girls na ganoon e kumbaga e walang ano…walang konsiderasyon? Ewan ko
ha pero parang ganoon lang, As if naman sinaktan ka nong tao just by telling
you how he feels about you? Ok lang kung kayo tapos ipinagpalit ka sa iba kahit
na ginawa mo na lahat para lang…teka nga nag-uumpisa na naman ako. Ayon,
continue, bakit ba hindi na lang friends pa rin kahit na may umamin na? Wala
rin namang maidudulot na maganda ‘yong iwas iwas charing na ‘yan. PARANG SA
TANGERKS lang kasi (para sa akin) ‘yang iwas iwas na ‘yan, para sa akin pero hindi naman ako
galit sa mga umiiwas na boys and gals. Nakikita ko lang kasi na walang
patutunguhan kung iiwasan mo o maiilang ka doon sa tao.

Pag may umamin sa’yong mahal ka niya, hindi ba dapat matuwa
ka? Maging proud ka pero hindi ko sinabing lumaki ang ulo mo. Kasi hindi araw
araw may magmamahal sa’yo sa kung ano ka. Maaring pogi ka, matalino, mabait at
higit sa lahat, manhid, hindi lahat ng tao may nagmamahal kaya salip na iwasan
mo, manatili ka pa ring kaibigan sa kaniya. Sa mga pagkakataong eto natin
nasusubukan ang tunay na pagkakaibigan.

Pakatandaan lang natin na madaling makuha o makahanap ng
taong mamahalin, pero napakahirap makakuha ng taong mamahalin tayo sa kung ano
tayo.

Maghanap ka ng mamahalin, isang araw lang meroon ka nang
makukuha pero subukan mong maghanap ng taong mamahalin ka kung ano ka, aabutin
ka ng sampu o higit pang taon sa paghahanap.

P.S.

Kanino kaya galing ‘yong message na ‘yon?

Holy Week

Lenten season 2007 is one peaceful and semi-boring-yet-interesting-in-a-way week for me. Let’s start discussing what kind of insanities and silly crimes I committed this past weeks.

April 1, Sunday

Once again I met my supposed to be mentor Father Briones at Time Zone Metro East and he’s actually doing some research about teenage goths so he decided to look around the usual hangouts of teens today. I found myself helping him in his research and after catching up with each other, we decided to have some time together. We played tekken 5 and yes its quite a scene for the usual customers there to see a tall, middle-aged man sporting an outfit suggesting a hint that he’s from the clergy playing an arcade fighting game. We fought 7 times and he won: 4-3. Being in charge about teen counseling and stuffs, he learned a lot of stuffs about teens including computer games, books, usual hobbies and problems and much more. That’s why he knows how to play video games specially Tekken. His favorite video game is…haha! Guess what? Kingdom Hearts 1 and 2! He rocks! Not to mention Constantine video game and resident evil series. Its fun, really really fun to be with him and I secretly considered him as my father figure. Well, growing up without a father is quite hard for me especially I’m just a kid of 6 when my father died, leaving me all of his obligations. I’ll definitely miss Father Briones coz he’ll be assigned somewhere in France, he’ll be leaving soon, I think this coming april 23?  But of course we talked about the day when we first met several years ago. Imagine, Roland wants to become a priest? Then I pulled back listening to Fr. Briones’ advices that I must seek first where my heart belongs. Well oh well, I hope he’s okay.

April 2, Monday

I was summoned by my boss for some annoying reason: nothing.
She just wanted to see me coz she said the last time she saw me was…January? Well, she grew closer to me for the same exact reason that her parents grew closer to me too. I resemble her big brother Erick. What a name. I hate that name but hell, that Erick is one hell of a nice guy and died protecting his little sister [my boss] from kidnappers. Did I mention that it was the time when kidnapping is very rampant? and the usual victims were chinese-filipinos and people from rich families.

She and her family wanted to see me before they leave for Taiwan and I was very lucky to have served that family even for a short period of time. Of course, Andre, Klark and Dion was there too.

April 3, Tueday

Great day. I talked to Michelle and Kevin, my two close friends and kevs will go to pampanga. I think his grandafather summoned him. Well nothing more, save for the fact that I wrote a loooooooonnnnnggggggg video script for another project. Sometimes, I consider my writing skills as a curse coz it is responsible for my insomnia.

April 4, Wednesday

It was my father’s birthday and I visited his grave that afternoon. I stayed for half an hour there talking to myself. Quite fun right? Told ya, I’m quite insane. After that, I went to Marikina Heights to find where the hell is that JB resort. From concepcion, I strode my way to OLOPSC and from there, the road splits to three. One, straight ahead, one on the left and one on the right. I walked 750 meters away from OLOSPC just to find out that JB resort is located on the other street, parallel to where I’m wandering to.

I went back to OLOSPC, my back facing the school, I turned left then straight ahead and turned right at the second street then straight ahead approximately 60 meters and voila. JB resort. Thanks to Michelle for pointing me to the right direction. We’ll make a nice tandem for an advanced military task force using state of the art equipment to guide and support soldiers in their mission. She’ll be a nice spotter and I’ll be her seeker.

Then I went to Leine after my adventures there at Marikina Heights, she’s sick so I’ve decided to visit her. Well, she needs some materials and too sick to buy her things so I volunteered to get her supplies. Hey wait, could you consider that as voluntary when she’s asking you to buy something for her at gunpoint? *laughing*

Well. just refer to my previous update:

Napkin lang ang nagpatiklop kay Roland

P.S.

Kung di ko lang siya love. >_< (haha!)

April 5, thursday

I’M DEAD. YEAH, DIED WRITING AN UPDATE FOR THE MAJOR SUCKAGE OF THE RB FAN FARE ENTITLED PAANO KUNG MAHAL KITA (yes, I’m actually shouting)

April 6, friday

Nothing special, save for a nice walk that afternoon. 4 kilometer walk is quite alright. No, not alay lakad but just a minor attack of my random insanity.

April 7, Saturday

Chill came down to my spine as I open my eyes to greet the early morning sun of that black saturday. It was 7:30 AM I think that I decided to get ready for the task. I want to help Czam and her family to organize things and stuff but before I could shove my delicious body to the bathroom, i received a message from her saying:

Oniichan, 11 ka na lang pumunta sa venue, kaw na bahala kay kevin.

Or something like that so, once again, I lunged at my bed and continue my very very sweet dream. Me kissing Asuka Kazama.

No jeep and crap! Crap! Crap! Well, I arrived there at aroung 12 pm? Well I was met by Czam’s mom who’s actually bear resemblance to my ex’s mom. Imagine my reaction the first time I saw her, several months ago. To my dismay, no one from our group arrived except for me so I’m alone once again.

Kevs gone to pampanga

Etzel gone to Ilocos, said Czam

Relly gone somewhere I don’t know. Family affairs? Hey wait…nevermind.

So there, lonely once again and spent most of my time alone. But hey, the guys there are cool, angelo is such a nice, funny guy with a huge amount of sense of humor stocked in his arsenals that could match my own arsenal of humor, Czam’s parents are very hospitable and Czam’s friend were pretty nice too, though I haven’t talked to them that much (ok, blame me for being such a loner) except for one. Sheila.

[Alright guys, If you value your lives, cut it out, I haven't elucidated the whole story yet so quit that yeeeheee sound.]

So, at around 5-6  pm we’re off and I found myself ordered by Czam to guide her friends out of marikina. Well, the three went off first, bernard and the other two while me and sheila were left there. We took the next jeep, destination: Concepcion.

We talked a little, all about marikina’s nice and clean surroundings, save for the retards creeping from every alleys of this great city. At concepcion, I decided to accompany her to batasan (baranggay banaba where you could find that long stretch of road leading to common wealth avenue, Sheila’s destination.) So we took another jeep to batasan, while on our way, we talked about random stuffs.

I bid her goodbye when she board a jeep en route to ever commonwealth but of course before the jeep left, she said something like friendster, contact and thank you talaga. [I won't type the exact words coz my fingers' feeling a bit lazy today]

and funny, the jeep’s plate number is still floating inside my head, as if I saw those numbers and letters just minutes ago. TVN 998. I waited there until her jeep left and at exactly 6:21, the jeep went off and I decided to walk towards mercury drug. Must buy a medicine for my head ache. Lack of sleep cause me a humongous headache. Then, i took another jeep to San Mateo Plaza and the glutton inside of me dragged me inside Mcdo so I bought some foods.

While silently sauntering the lazy streets, my inbox exploded with congratulatory messages from my retarded friends. Especially those men under me (hahaha!!) [that's because I'm the grandmaster of our team.] They saw me with Sheila.

Sample 1

Dude, cnu ksama mo knina? gf mo? cutie!

I hate those guys, >__<
Whenever they saw me with girl, they always celebrate like as if I’m the least possible guy to have a girlfriend. T_T

[Some of their text  messages not included]

My reply?

CLASSM8 LNG UN NG LI’L SIS QNG C CZAM! ICNBAY Q N KC D NYA KABISADO ANG DAAN! LOKO! (i’m shouting)

I arrived home afterwards and went straight to bed. Need sleep. @_@

Then I realized that it was my older cousin’s birthday that day.

Happy birthday ate bodgie!

Bwiset!

Bakit ba ako nagpa-uto kay Leine?

Diretso ako ng lakad at tinititigan ang cellphone ko.

From: Leine

Paboritong Libro ni Hudas

Masking tape

Sign pen black

Tska coke float, bubbl gum..Ü

Thanks kuyakoi, loveu mwahmwah

Hindi pa rin niya nababasa yong black book ni bob?

Diretso ako ng national bookstore don sa mga clerk dahil
kabisado ko ang national sa sta.lu. wala na yong mga book ni bob puro stainless
na lang. So ayon nagtanong ako at pumunta pa sa sulok yong clerk para lang
kumuha ng isang kopya na may alikabok na.

Grabe kayo, hindi niyo na iginalang ang sagradong libro ng
aking idolo.

Pagkatapos non ay nagpaikot ikot ako sa loob para lang
maghanap ng sign pen na black at masking tape. Naginarte pa ako sa pagpili sa
dong-a din naman pala ako babagsak

Tapos nagbayad na ako, tapos labas. Wala na pala akong pera
hindi ako nakapagwithdraw at wala naman atang atm na ngayon na malapit. Ok lang
may 300 pa ako dito tsaka baryabaryang 100.

Diretso akong mcdo, pumila at naghintay. Ang habang ni pila.
Ang lag.

Nagvibrate bigla yong cellphone ko at agad kong kinuha ‘to.

From: Leine

Kuya, bli mo pla me napkin, modess.

Thanks loveu ‘ya, take care!Ü

Kiss n lng kta mmya.Ü

Potangaris na bata to!

Namutla ako. Nawala ang dugo ko buong katawan. Ewan ko kung paano
gagawin to. Paano ko bibili jahe! Bwiset! Akala talaga nitong batang to
natutuwa ako ha, tuwang tuwa talaga sa akin yon. May kuya na siya may bf pa
siya, saan ka pa?

Umalis na ako sa pila pero pagikot ko..

Blag.

Tumba siya, hindi ko napansin hanggang sa namalayan kong
babae pala.

“Miss ok ka lang?” inabot ko ang kamay ko para tulungan
siyang tumayo.

“Ano ba, kunting ingat naman?” singhal niya sa akin.
Nagsorry na nga e.

Teka?

Ailene?

“Roland!”

“Ailene?”

“Anong ginagawa mo dito? Binangga mo pa ako. Kainis ka”

“ah eh may bibilin pa pala ako kaya umalis ako sa pila, sige
una na ako. Contact na lang kita sa friendster ha?”

umalis na ako at iniwan na siya. Paano ako bibili ng napkin?
Badtrip talaga oh. Teka? Ah tama. Balik tayo. Nasaan na siya ayon, inaayos pa
lang ang order niya. Tamang tama. Lumapit ako sa kaniya at kinalabit siya.

Ngumite ako,

ngumite siya,

nagngitian kami.

Coke float lang inorder niya tsaka large fries?

Tama, ayos ‘to. Brilliant ka talaga Roland!

Binunot niya ang wallet niya pero inunahan ko na siya sa
pag-abot ng pera sa service crew. Napatingin siya sa akin at nagsalubong ang
kaniyang kilay sa pagtataka.

“Roland?”

“Libre ko, minsan na lang tayo magkita e.”

“Ayos talaga, sige.”

Nagbayad na ako at sabay kaming umalis, take out naman ang
order niya e.

“Anong naisipan mo at nilibre mo ako?”

“Wala naman.”

“May kailangan ka no?”

“Ehe..meron e.”

“Ano? Nagpapacute ka sa akin?”

“Hindi no, need help lang eh.”

“Baka naman type mo na ako magsabi ka lang, papatulan kita.”

Nak ng weteng umasta pang maganda siya. Pero sabagay maganda
nga naman siya, sexy at mabait. Yon nga lang maliit. Pero sino nagsabing
matatangkad lang ang hilig ko?

“Sige ba?” teka ano ba sinasabi ko?

“Aha!”

“Hindi joke lang ‘to naman, may ipapabili lang ako sa’yo.”

“Inilibre mo ako kasi may ipapabili ka? Ano, condom? May
balak ka na agad sa akin? Aba, hindi pa gawa ang sogo dito!”

Tangaris na, babae ba talaga kausap ko? Hindi na talaga ako
masanay sa banat niya, naiilang ako tuloy.

“Gagi, hindi, ano…” tumungo ako kasi nahiya ako at pabulong
na sinabi sa kaniyang: “bili mo ako napkin, modess.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!”

“Shh!!”

“Roland, kaya naman pala hindi ka nagkakagf bading ka pala!”

“Tangerks! Hinaan mo nga boses mo nakakahiya!” nagumpisa na
kaming pagtinginan ng mga kumakain sa the French baker.

“Ok sorry, anong gagawin mo sa napkin?” tatawa pa rin siya
at pinipigilang tumawa pa ng malakas.

“Hindi, si ano kais nagpabili.”

“Kapatid mo?”

“Oo e.”

“Nahiya ka pa, kaya mo na yan.”

Ni hindi ko nga kayang bumili ng mga bagay na nakakahiyang
bilhin e.

“Sige na, please?”

“Ok sige, total nilibre mo ako at crush kita sige.”

“Good! Thanks!”

“Sa isang kondisyon!”

shet…sabi na e, mistress of black mail pa naman tong si
Ailene.

“Ok ano yon?”

“Alam mo yong magbalik ng calla lily?”

Ay oo, sapul ako e.

“Oo naman, song of thy soul.”

“Ok, sige ganito di ba magaling kang magdirect ng mga video?
Kailangan naming gumawa ng video according to that song, project namin e, ok
ba?”

Sisiw.

“Ok ayos. Game.”

“May isa pa.”

Meron pa?

“Ano?”

Tiningnan niya ako at ngumise siya na parang may binabalak
na hindi maganda.

“Yong story mo ang gusto ko sa video na gagawin natin at
gusto ko ikaw rin ang bida. Kumbaga yong nangyari sa’yo, ‘yon ang kukunan.”

“Bakit ako?”

“Kasi ikaw yong unang pumasok sa isip ko nang marinig ko
yong kanta na yon, sakto sa’yo e.”

“At paano mo naman nalaman ang storya ko?”

“hehe..”

“Ano? Tawa ka diyan?”

“You forgot the Jeepney song fic of yours?”

Shet! Oo nga!

“The well received song fic in our school, biruin mo kadikit
na ng pangalan mo yong mga sad love stories?”

“O ano naman kinalaman non?”

“Roland, Roland, Roland, hindi ako tanga para hindi makuha
ang ipinahihiwatig mo don no? Kaya kung ano man yong story mo, malalaman ko na
sa wakas, ayaw mo kasi magshare.”

“Ok sige, napkin muna.”

“Yon lang sige, tara sa baba.”